Mayfield and Belov presents: Camp Here and There.
Episode Twenty: The Trees of Boys.

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[CLICK]

JEDIDIAH

Conflict mediation session. Rowan Chow and Juniper Sloan. It’s 11:01AM on June 27th. Let’s make this quick, shall we? Yvonne’s filling in for me in the nurse’s office, and I don’t want to trouble her with that for longer than necessary.

JUNIPER

Yvonne’s the nurse? Is Sydney still not back?

JEDIDIAH

 … No, Juniper. He’s not.

ROWAN 

That’s … troubling.

JUNIPER 

Right … not that Sydney can’t go wherever he wishes — and, I mean, he deserves a day off, doesn’t he, that chap, what with all that he puts up with from the kids, and the other counselors, and the elephant guy, and from you — no offense —

JEDIDIAH 

[Scoff]

JUNIPER 

But he’s never away for this long, is he? Even when camp’s not on, right? It might be hearsay, but to my knowledge he just stays here all year long.

ROWAN 

No, yeah, he does. I visited him during the off-season last year, for his birthday. I just felt bad for him, all alone with Lucille all year.

JUNIPER

Ahhhh, Lucille sticks around too, eh?

ROWAN 

Yeah. For whatever reason.

JUNIPER 

Same reason we come back to camp every Summer, I bet.

ROWAN 

… I don’t really know why I come back to camp every Summer.

JUNIPER 

Exactly! [He laughs at his own joke, but goes silent as no one laughs with him] … Ahem. Lucille at a birthday, though. Now that’s fun to imagine.

ROWAN 

She didn’t say anything about it. I don’t think she knew it was his birthday.

JUNIPER 

Now that’s a right bummer, innit?

ROWAN 

Yes.

JUNIPER 

Poor lad. Maybe I’ll come ’round too, for his next birthday.

ROWAN 

You wouldn’t expend the effort.

JUNIPER 

[He laughs] You’re probably right. [he laughs a little more] Rowan, I say, you are funny. You talk to Rowan much, Jeddie? He’s a riot, this one. Takes the piss like the Archbishop of Banterbury.

ROWAN 

I’m not teasing you. I’m insulting you.

JUNIPER 

Hehe. Just says whatever’s on his mind, he does!

ROWAN

 … Let’s get the session started.

JUNIPER 

Ah! Right you are, chap, right you are.

ROWAN 

… Jedidiah?

JEDIDIAH 

Right. So, uh, I don’t think either of you have ever been in here, so I need you to state your name and perspectives into the microphone.

ROWAN 

My name is Rowan Chow. At the beginning of the Summer, me and Juniper were assigned to take fish underground to the penguins once a week. Two times now, Juniper has shirked the work and left me alone. I don’t have much more to say; it’s a pretty simple issue. This is a two-man job and I’d rather not do it alone.

JEDIDIAH 

Right, sure.

JUNIPER 

Ahh! Mm! Yes, oh, it’s my turn, is it? Well then! My name is Juniper Sloan — the third, actually, following in the footsteps of my father and his before — and I think I’ll open by saying that Rowan, you look very fetching in that red shirt.

ROWAN 

He likes to try to change the subject with flattery. 

JUNIPER 

I’m just saying it!

ROWAN 

Obviously I like the shirt. I bought it and I’m wearing it.

JUNIPER 

And we match! You with the red shirt, me with the orange — together, we make yellow!

ROWAN 

What?

JUNIPER 

You know. like, the color wheel. You mix orange and red together for yellow.

ROWAN 

I think you’re fundamentally misunderstanding … a lot. Of stuff. Here.

JUNIPER

Mate, I got a primary school education. I know how the color wheel works.

ROWAN 

You clearly don’t? Because that’s not how the color wheel works, or how anything works?

JUNIPER 

Anything — ? Okay, listen, Rowan, listen to me. You’re a good chap, but you’ve got to get this through your head. Four plus five is nine. Five plus four? also nine. It’s basic maths.

ROWAN 

But that’s not what we’re — nine plus four is not five!

JUNIPER 

I’m not talking about nine and four, silliness, I’m talking about four and five.

ROWAN 

No, you — red and yellow are primary colors. You mix primary colors to make secondary colors, that’s how it works. Together they make orange, which is a secondary color. And that’s only if you’re working with paint. All of this falls apart when you bring the light spectrum into it, but either way you’re wrong.

JUNIPER

If red and yellow can make orange, why can’t red and orange make yellow?

ROWAN 

Do you — !? See, this is what he does. He gets you to — banter with him. Until you forget what you were actually mad about in the first place.

JUNIPER 

[He laughs] This fellow. He’s like an amateur psychologist, he is.

ROWAN 

Please.

JEDIDIAH 

Yyyyyyeah. Juniper, you need to engage with Rowan straightforwardly.

JUNIPER 

Ooooohhh well, the problem with that is that whenever I try, he says all these terribly unpleasant things.

JEDIDIAH 

You understand that the more you avoid those conversations, the more unpleasant they become, right?

JUNIPER 

Can’t get hurt by a conversation I never have!

ROWAN 

You’ll just keep bothering the people around you.

JUNIPER 

[Scoff] It’s — I mean, really, I’m not hurting anyone. You’re the one who chooses to lug the fish down there even after I bail.

ROWAN 

It’s like he has no grasp of consequences or personal responsibility at all.

JUNIPER 

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! Jedidiah, surely you can see that my position is untenable.

JEDIDIAH 

Your attitude is untenable, perhaps.

JUNIPER 

Et tu!?

JEDIDIAH 

Listen … when you agree to help someone with a task, and then back out at the last minute, you are not … exercising your rights as an Epicureanist. You are being an asshole. I — how do I explain to you that you need to care about other people?

JUNIPER 

Well — well, maybe I’d feel more inclined to sympathize with Rowan’s self-flagellation if he didn’t make it so blisteringly clear that he hates me.

ROWAN 

Dude, I do not hate you. You’re — cool, you’re fun, I know you do care about people, even if you use all these weird manipulative justifications to get out of doing work for them.

JEDIDIAH 

No — no, Rowan, don’t feed that. He’s manipulating you.

JUNIPER 

I’m being straightforward!

JEDIDIAH 

You’re blaming your own bad behavior on Rowan’s totally justified frustration, and you’re trying to distract him from his anger by invoking sympathy and guilt.

JUNIPER

I — I don’t believe this! I try to open up emotionally and this is what I get for it.

ROWAN

It’s — it’s fine, Jedidiah. You don’t need to go to bat for me.

JEDIDIAH 

[SIGH]

ROWAN 

Juniper, Jedidiah was … kind of right, I think, and that was shitty that you did that. But I still think you should hear that I don’t hate you.

JUNIPER

… 

JEDIDIAH

At a loss for words, for once.

JUNIPER 

… That is very … nice of you.

ROWAN 

J—Jedidiah. Can we — can we close the blinds?

JEDIDIAH 

Huh?

ROWAN 

The blinds. 

JEDIDIAH 

Uhhhh … sure. Why?

[JEDIDIAH GETS UP AND CLOSES THE BLINDS BEFORE SITTING BACK DOWN]

JUNIPER 

Aw, it’s the open sky. He’s got this whole “thing” about it.

ROWAN 

I can speak for myself.

JUNIPER  

Oh, I know, I know. I worry about you sometimes, though, y’know?

ROWAN 

You should worry about doing your work.

JUNIPER 

Uuuugh! Listen — I didn’t want to make a fuss about it. I don’t want to seem like I’m fishing for sympathy, but I’ve got it hard, you know? The kids in my cabin, they’re — a trial, at the best of times. I do my best to be a good counselor for them, but it takes everything I’ve got.

JEDIDIAH 

Juniper, you are contractually obligated to deliver those fish —

ROWAN 

You’re not the only person at this camp with problems, dude. Half the time, I’m close to passing out because I’m having a panic attack about the fucking sky. Nobody really understands or respects that, but I do my best to get along with everyone anyway, and I do the work I have to do.

JUNIPER 

I — well — not everyone’s as strong as you, alright?

JEDIDIAH 

Juniper, for the love of God, grow up! You keep saying all this nice shit to him like it means anything and then consistently letting him down with your behavior. If you genuinely like Rowan, and want to show him that you care about him and you value what he wants and what he does, you need to prove it with your actions. Okay? Your actions are what matter to the people around you, not your words or your intentions or your thoughts or your fucking anything else but your actions, and your actions show Sydney loud and clear that you don’t give a shit about him. Take care of your responsibilities. Spend some goddamn time with a person you call your friend. Or just shut up and stop pretending to care.

JUNIPER 

… Riiight.

ROWAN 

Juniper, I don’t —

JUNIPER 

Don’t worry about it. [SIGH] He’s right. I’ve been falling back into old habits.

ROWAN 

Yeah … ?

JUNIPER 

Look, I’m sorry. You haven’t got to forgive me, but I promise I’ll chip in next delivery, right?

ROWAN

I’ll believe it when I see it… and then, yes, I will forgive you.

JUNIPER 

I keep telling you, Jedidiah, this guy seems so gloomy, but he’s such a pal.

JEDIDIAH 

That’s very nice of you, Rowan. 

ROWAN 

And really, Juniper, I like your company. You’re good at conversation. And I think you’d like it down there in the tunnels … I could show you around.

JUNIPER 

I’d follow you anywhere, dear lad!

ROWAN 

Remember … actions not words, dude.

JUNIPER 

Right-o! Yes.

[ROWAN LAUGHS]

JEDIDIAH 

[Clears throat] Right, well, uhm. If that’s all, then I’ve got to get back to the office. Yvonne is probably struggling through the announcements about now.

JUNIPER 

Oh? Will we be seeing you around?

JEDIDIAH 

Depends. Would you be willing to join a search party if Sydney doesn’t come back by tonight?

JUNIPER 

Ahhh … well, see —

ROWAN 

Yeah, sure.

JUNIPER 

Yes! We undoubtedly will.

JEDIDIAH 

I’ll keep you in the know, then. 

[CLICK]

[CLICK] 

JEDIDIAH

Afterlog.

Juniper is … 

Blunt.

… 

Sydney, wherever you are right now, I … hope you’re okay.

[CLICK]

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Today’s episode was written by Blue Mayfield and Nicholas Belov. The part of Jedidiah Martin was played by Nicholas Belov. The part of  Rowan Chow was played by Corey Wilder. The part of Juniper Sloan was played by Tom Laflin. Camp Here & There is the sole intellectual property of its production company, Mayfield & Belov. All music composed by Will Wood, and produced by Jonathon Maisto. Sound editing by Blue Mayfield, Beetlesprite, and Emily Safko. Special thanks to our Patron: Kylie Marron. 

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Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There! And remember:in the same way as tomatoes were once thron by actors, I now throw my fist to the sky. I am very disappointed by its performance.